By Craig Funston
Let’s have a brief talk about the growing dyed blonde trend these days. I’m not sure if you have noticed it, but there’s more (strident) talk and (bombastic) action about being dyed blonde than ever before, though I’m not sure if there are actually more dyed blondes themselves. It just appears that way.
In fact, it may be an illusion in the saddest sense of that word.
Dyed blondes have always been with us: people choosing to change their natural colour to another one. Not sure why; I suppose that’s their business. I would like to know why, but even the simple act of asking, “Why the hair colour change?” can get one into trouble.
Seems strange that their business is their business, until I make it my business. Then my question becomes harassment and bigotry…on my part. But when their blondeness is crammed down my throat, then that is simply justice…on their part.
If they are, say, brunette, but for any number of reasons, legitimate or illegitimate, they switch, there’s not a lot I can do about it. I think I have the same right not to be dyed blonde as much as they do to be dyed blonde. I don’t think anyone is taking their right away to choose hair colour—yet my sense is that my choices are being taken away.
The hair paradigm is shifting, so now I, and millions like me who are grey, black, brunette, and naturally blonde, are being made out to be enemies of humanity for our choices. Even if we don’t dye our hair blonde, apparently we should laud those who do. Not doing so has become a new battle-
ground, a war we non-dyed blonders are seemingly being forced to participate in.
Not sure if you know where I’m going with this, but this is an alarming trend: Being dyed blonde is now the new benchmark for tolerance, equality, and human rights.
In other words, if you are not dyed blonde, and don’t have a bent towards dyed blondeness (if that’s a word), you must at least tolerate it, even embrace it. If not, you will then be labelled as “dyedblondephobic”–and I know that’s not a word.
“Frightening” is a word I use a lot when I see a dyed blonde lifestyle paraded about on the streets of our country. It’s a word I use when I see rational human beings stripped of their basic human rights. It’s a word that I use when 90% (plus) of the population simply says nothing about this loud, intolerant movement.
You see, there are dyed blondes and then there are dyed blondes. I knew few of the former growing up: kept to themselves, had their dyed blonde friends, and really, had no demands on others to accept their choices. Now there’s a new breed of militant blondes—and their allies–and this is where it gets frightening..
You see, it’s getting to the point where the viability of every single established institution is at stake if they don’t embrace dyed blondeness. Politicians are seen as heroes (and heroines) if they embrace dyed blondeness—even better if they dye their hair blonde. Even the church is waffling in some quarters.
Character virtues such as integrity, honesty, diligence, initiative—for starters—are cast aside and replaced by this new standard, this new expectation, this new approach.
It’s no longer acceptable to simply tolerate dyed blonde people. It is now expected and demanded that dyed blondes are to be embraced and promoted.
I’ve always thought Canadians were warm, accepting, and tolerant. In fact, I know they have been; I’m sure you read about that in a county-famous column here recently.
I’m thinking of my generation, but more precisely for the next generation and the one that follows it. If they do not choose to be dyed blonde, will that then become a criminal act? Hair colour cannot possibly become the new benchmark of a civilized culture, could it? As a matter of fact, it could.
I have seen the disproportionate power that this bombastic movement is now wielding over the hapless masses who are too frightened (there’s that word again) to say or do anything.
Dyed blonde parades, bookstores, conventions, and mission statements are the new norm. Woe betide the politicians, preachers, teachers, and yes, even columnists, who call out this scary trend.